Distracted
An exact representation of me lately . . . Staring into the light of God’s glory + finding myself completely enamored with His goodness. Man. I truly “thought” I knew Him, but really I’m just scratching the surface.
Oftentimes I feel embarrassed with my emotions towards things (i.e. social media, eating habits, politics, homeschooling, screens, God, raising children . . .) as I tend to feel them intensely. Like all or nothing. Lately though, I‘ve been giving myself permission to feel those things. For a long time I’ve dumbed down my feelings/emotions towards these things + kept quiet to keep peace. I tend to come on strong because I felt so strongly on certain issues. I didn’t know how to separate the emotion from the situation. So, often it felt like it was a personal attack when rather it was a sharing of feelings/thoughts/opinions + the only reason the situation became heightened or intense was because of my intensity. Peace, to me, became easier than rocking the boat. So I learned to sit back + shut up. But when “peace” comes at the price of letting go of values that are important to me or my family, then it becomes dangerous.
Thankfully, I’ve learned through my years of passivity that I don’t have to forgo my morals to have peace + I can share in calm manner. Taming emotions + big feelings isn’t easy, but in the long run I know my soul will thank me to have the ability to share what’s on my heart + not allow my emotions to drive the car. They can be present + share what’s important without causing me to lose control.
So please excuse me as I continue to remind my soul of its purpose. I’m gaining ground + I’m excited! To some I may appear as distracted, but it causes me to let go of the distractions of this world + allows me to be distracted with the King of the universe. Honestly though, there isn’t anything else you’d rather I be “distracted” with than that?
With that last thought I leave you to contemplate this:
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30 + 31.
I realize I’ve shared this verse in a previous post, but man. I’m just really working that muscle to get this one ingrained in my heart. It is the greatest commandment after all.
(original post date: 2/21/2020)